Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
