and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
