Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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