summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
