Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
