oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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