Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Farmville is her only friend.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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