i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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