Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
