I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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