i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
