Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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