Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
