I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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