I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
