I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
