hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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