Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
