You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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