The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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