i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
