Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
