I hate your face
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize