I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
