I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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