I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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