3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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