I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
