I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
