rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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