You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
