3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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