walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
