I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
