Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize