OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize