He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
