So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
