why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have tasted many bathrooms
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