oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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