im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
