hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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