too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
