im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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