Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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