put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
