and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
