I think I died a long time ago.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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