I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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