i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
