where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
