I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
