No awkward lesbian experiences without me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We need a shit load of segways right now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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