Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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