theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
