she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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