remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
