What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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