god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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